Well...it's Thursday. What can I say? Another week nearly spent. For those of you grinding the days in an office - Friday is going to be a welcome visitor. For those of us without such offices...it's just another day to wake up to.
Wow. Did that sound as bleak to you as it did to me? Hmmm....guess when you've done this a year or two, it does come down to being a little bleak.
Set up here: I've been out of work exactly two years three days ago. I get up in the morning...hug the dog, don my bathrobe...shuffle to my office and open up the computer to see what marvelous opportunities have sprung into being the night before. Sometimes - there's a lot of them...sparkling like a Las Vegas slot machine. Sometimes, there are a few and sometimes...there aren't any.
Next step: start opening up job boards. Select, apply, create the dazzling cover letters that will knock somebody's socks clean off of their feet...an hour goes by, two, maybe three. Noon...get myself up...eat some breakfast (yeah...it comes late these days), feed the dog and let her out (it's ok, she's been sleeping this whole time...she's an old dog with a magnificently well structured bladder!) brush my teeth and find something to put in my stomach. Then I get myself dressed. Get back into my office and start looking at the other job sites and opps. OR...start packing up the rest of the house. After two years, the house must now become a commodity and stop being a home. Yup - gonna rent it out and hope it can start paying for itself because - I sure as hell can't continue to feed it on Uncle Sam's dime. Especially when I'm not at all sure Uncle Sam is going to continue to pay me!
Love this bottle of wine! It's great! (if you read my blog and ask me, I'll tell you what it is... :)
I know there are a lot of us out there. People like me, going through the same motions that I'm going through. The savings are gone, the equity in the house shot..and all of us reduced to cyber mooing right along with the rest of the herd desperately jockying for place in a job market gone mental.
You know...this isn't the first dance I've been on. I've had more experience with being laid off and hired and laid off and hired than almost anyone I know. I get into a job....do my stuff - everyone thinks I walk on water and then...someone comes in, declares that it's concrete, not a lake and would I please pack my stuff and hit the road...we need to downsize. Nothing personal, you've done a GREAT job...we'll sure miss you but....don't let the screen hit your fanny on the way out, ok? And, I know what to do when it happens. You get your resume in order, your references listed and you call your agencies. You put the word out to your friends and you get on the computer and do your stuff. In a few months, a few good interviews, you're rehired. Maybe some place else but, you're rehired.
Ok...that was May of 2008. This is June 2010. What in hell is going on?
Well, for one thing, there's that dirty little secret that companies don't want you to figure out if you happen to be of a certain generation: grandma's need not apply. Yup - it's the truth folks. There's a whole generation out there with more experience and more savvy than God looking for work and the companies that ARE hiring...don't want to deal with Grandma...or Mom. And how do they figure this out, you ask? It's not hard...how do you not become 'Grandma' when you've got over twenty years experience doing what you do? How do you hide that? Those years of experience are your 'product'...your reason for thinking that you just might be the right person for the job....(I happen to be an Admin...an Executive Admin at that. Yeah, you've got the next point already I'm sure....Not the right eye candy for someone's front desk.)
I'm good at what I do. In fact, I'm better than good at what I do. But I don't want to go live with Mommy while I figure out what I'm going to end up being when I grow up (even though that's EXACTLY what I'm about to do...) I'm worth a decent living wage but, nobody's going to offer it to me when they can get young, eager and willing to work for less to do the job for them AND provide the scenery while they're at it.
Twenty-six years learning my job. Twenty six years learning to handle whatever comes up without someone telling me how to do it or giving me permission to blow my own nose. As one friend of mine put it: 'it's not your experience that's in demand anymore.'
She should know, she works in HR.
What I want to know is this: the people who run the companies that pushed the economy to the point of tearing...are the people of MY generation who fought tooth and nail against their fathers and grandfathers for how they did business and how ruthlessly they handled the people who made the money for them. WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED???!!!
Get ready Corporate America. Unions have pretty much had their teeth pulled. Graft and greed have taken the fight and the bite out of them. But if this situation continues much longer, I'm predicting that a new age of union is about to appear. And they won't be the blue collar people without the education and experience to back them up. They're going to be an entirely new animal who will know what you've made, what you're projecting to make and make sure that the working population who makes that money FOR you doesn't end up screwed blue and tattooed as this one has.
I'm too old to be young and too young to be old. I've got at least another fifteen to twenty years of working in me. How stupid is this society to waste it's time on untried students and shove people like me aside? Frankly, it really doesn't make much fiscal sense. I can be up and running in a week...it takes someone with less experience six months to learn what I already know.
Good news is: the wine's great. I don't have to get up tomorrow morning. I don't have a boss to secretly give the finger to and I don't have to fantasize about all the things I could do if I only had the time to do them. I've got all the time in the world. Well, until the rest of the money runs out and they take the house and declare me bankrupt.
Maybe that's not all bad. When you've got nothing left, there really IS nothing left to lose. Maybe your sense of self worth, your sense of who you are and where you fit in the scheme of things...maybe your sense of why you're here in the first place.
Who knew that a meaningful, productive occupation impacted all that? I sure didn't.
Do now.
Them's mah thotz.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Happy Tuesday everyone!
Going to hit on one of my pet peeves today. Courtesy...or should I say, lack thereof?
What happened to all the kindnesses that were instilled in us when we were small? (Well, maybe when I was small and, my kids were small because, courtesy was never an optional thing for either generation.) I hear people talking to each other and sometimes, not meaning to eavesdrop, I listen. It isn't the content of the conversations that intrigue me, it's the tempo, and it's the tenor.
I hear adults who shout EVERYTHING!!!
"GIRL...what can I TELL you??!!! That's just the SHIT!"
Ok...this segues into the second part of my pet peeve: when did common conversation start integrating, acceptably, those cuss words that were formerly reserved for the unintelligent, unsophisticated and under educated? Or...for those times when absolutely NOTHING else would serve? Now these words are used in the same volume and frequency of 'hey, how're ya doing?" And have you taken a look at who's using them? WE ALL ARE!!!!
Two weeks ago, my daughter and I were caught in a freak snow storm on the way to Lake Tahoe. Though chained, the car started a slow slide off the road and the driver in back of us who was either riding too close, driving too fast or stuck her foot on the brake, slid right on into us...not once, but twice. Squashed my lil' bumper to smithereens (it was a Honda, their car was a big ol' Mercedes sedan). When we all came to a halt, my daughter (who'd been driving) got out and asked "Everyone ok?" The passenger in the car that hit us, got out and immediately called my daughter an "F'n bitch and what did she think she was doing stopping dead in the middle of the street! This wasn't their fault...it was HER fault, Goddam f*n IDIOT!" Continued like that for a few minutes. Didn't once ask if we were hurt or come over to check the damage to the car...just...carried on as though the language was acceptable and the situation warranted a temper tantrum (needless to say, we called the CHP). Fortunately, the only real damage was to vehicles and not to human bodies. And I'll give the individual credit...after a few words from the officer, he did tender my daughter a bit of an apology...not that that fixes things. Oh, and before you think it was some punk kid...it was a full grown man way past the age of knowing better.
I hear people talking on cell phones (as though the rest of us can't hear what you guys are saying. Not really a case of getting in anyone's business, more a case of people on cell phones in public ADVERTISING their business) and the language used is disturbing. "What the f*k!....Sh*t! I'll kick his A**! " and that's before any REAL conversation gets started! This language goes on while I'm walking nearby on a street, trying to buy my groceries or settling down to a nice, leisure meal in a restaurant. And THAT'S another thing - who decided that restaurants, where we alllll pay good money to sit down and enjoy a good meal with good company and good conversation, became acceptable phone booths??!! I don't really need to hear about someone's divorce, latest colonoscopy or cheating husband/wife over my salad and entree! And I don't need to know that Smith has failed to hand in the latest report on the company's latest merger either (that M'Fkng slug who can't manage to get a day's work done without someone putting a boot up his A**!!..." ok, I digress). Frankly, I don't need to hear about ANYTHING that's going on with you because...I don't know you!! Any of you. And the person that I'm sitting down with, eating my meal with...I already know them (that's why I'm having lunch with them!) I'd like the opportunity to find out what's new with THEM...not with you. I'm sure you're nice and all but, I do NOT need to know your business!
Cell phones are great - but they're not anonymous and they're not private. And there really IS no magic bubble that pops out of the bottom of the unit and covers you and all the conversational noise you are choosing to make. (No, really - it doesn't work that way. Tests have been made and studies published...it's official: your business is MY business when you carry on a personal conversation in my hearing! Who knew?)
Aaaand we make our way, slooowly, back to my original topic: courtesy.
Kids watch. They watch everything and everyone. They learn from an early age what is and isn't expected of them and whether respect and courtesy are really important. And when we don't watch what WE do in front of them, and what we SAY in front of them, they learn those things too. Ever go to a store or a doctor's office or even someone else's house and have to shout over the dulcet tones of someone's out of control child who is screaming at someone or something (and no, I'm not talking about a toddler here - I'm talking about kids from eight to twelve), throwing things and laughing about it or running in and out of aisles, tables or people? And when you look back at the parents, there they are, busy chatting with whomever they've met up with, blissfully unaware that their offspring are about to topple merchandise, run into furniture or break their necks on someone else's property. Not to mention bumping into me or you or anyone else in their way. And when they do? How many kids stop and say: "Sorry, didn't mean to bump you." ? How many of them turn and say: "Hey, bitch, get out of the way!"...just like they've seen on TV. Don't know about the rest of you but, I've had my share. And I look at the parents who are totally unconcerned and, at that point, more interested in getting their kids together and getting gone than checking for damage. These kids go on their merry way, secure in the knowledge that there's nothing remotely wrong with their behavior.
I just ate my lunch in a fast food restaurant (ok daughter, so sue me) and a ten year old kid came whipping by..,.IN THE RESTAURANT...on his bike. No one said a thing. If I were that kid, I'd figure, heeey....no problem! THIS is acceptable! If I, or either of my children had done such a thing twenty years ago, the manager would have exploded out of his office and, literally, thrown us and the bike OUT. Why not now? What's changed?
Remember these?
Please... thank you... may I help you?, are you all right? Let me get that for you... you're welcome. I'm sorry... Let me hold the door for you, you have your hands full....is that all you have in your cart? Why don't you go ahead of me....
I use these, my children use these, people from my generation were taught to use these. We were taught that people are what are important in this world and that there is a clear and distinct difference between class, sass and snot. When did we forget this maxim?
Years ago, there was a program on television called "The Roseanne Barr Show". My kids loved it. I loved it. It was quick, it was clever, it was fast paced. The lines given to Roseanne were the kinds of things we as parents would DIE to figure out quick enough to throw back at the stupidities our kids presented us with...and the lines given to those kids were snappy comebacks worthy of any comedian. And we laughed. Every night I fed my kids this right along with their chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. We all looked forward to it.
And then, one day, my little six year old came home and hit me with a few really good 'zingers' when I asked her to clean up her room. I was shocked and I was furious. How DARE she treat me with such disrespect??!!! And I let her know how absolutely angry she'd made me. Whereupon she continued to answer me with those cute and clever little flip remarks. In the end, those little remarks earned her one heck of a spank on her cute little butt. After she was done crying, I realized that she was genuinely puzzled over why I'd gotten so mad. And then it hit me....what had come out of her mouth was worthy of anything that came out of the mouth's of television's darling little smart mouth kids on that show we watched...every...single...night. Guess what happened THAT night? Yup - TV went off. And we never watched the show again - or any other show with a similar format.
Kids learn. They watch to see what makes us laugh. They watch to see what gets attention and they draw their own conclusions about what's 'cool' and what's clever and what will get them a moment of admiration for their daring. Why are we laughing??? Why is it funny to watch a kid talk back to his parents like a smart mouth adult? Because they're pint-sized and acting like a badly behaved grown-up? WHY ARE WE LAUGHING??!!! Teenagers are living out their own reality shows. Just listen to them. EVERYTHING is a drama worthy of television, and when it's not, they go to great lengths to make it so. We have instilled in our children that they must be 'special' and they must be 'outstanding' and they must get the 'attention'. What we haven't managed to do is figure out how to teach them what makes them special and what is really involved in someone who IS outstanding so they have a goal to strive for. More important, we have, as a society, managed to let our kids know that if they aren't attention worthy all the time, then they aren't attention worthy ANY of the time. They're trying to figure it out - we're not helping.
I boycott a lot of television shows. I boycott a lot of music. I don't like to see the worst of us portrayed and packaged as entertainment. I have my own 'reality' to worry about and I don't really like to see grown men and women acting like the worst clique kids in high school, disrespecting each other, engineering cat-fights or showing off just how far they dare to go to skim the rim of respectability. I may not enjoy the sound of some of today's music - but I listen to the words that are set to it and the words are often disturbing in the extreme. The first time a person refers to my daughter as his 'ho'....or his 'bitch', he's going to have trouble helping a woman conceive when the time comes, I promise. The first time a man refers to ME that way he's likely going to lose some teeth, if not something he holds more dear. I see teenagers refer to each other in this vein all the time. They don't even listen to what they're saying....half the time, they don't even KNOW what they're saying. It's all a new conversational 'patter'. They hear it everywhere and they're mimicking it. It says: Disrespect yourself and those around you, it's ok. You're not worth much anyway and neither is anyone else.
WHY ARE WE LAUGHING AT THIS??? Why aren't we in shock?? And why are we, as adults, playing this same game? Do we feel that it somehow youthenizes us? Don't label me square but, if this is youth - I'll take my gray any day.
I'm not a prude and I'm certainly not much of a conservative. I believed in giving my children latitude to figure out who they were. My daughter dressed in 'grunge' when grunge was the thing - but it was within MY boundaries when she did. Makeup was something EVERY girl wore - but there was a date set for when MY girl was allowed to wear it and acceptable limits as to how much and when. My kids didn't leave the house dressed inappropriately, period. Didn't mind having conversation about it but, bottom line was - I had the last word. Didn't mind explaining it, once. But the bottom line was, I had the last word.
Who is having the last word when someone's twelve year old is made up like a rock star on a bad day and dressed like Madonna in her heyday? What is that twelve year old, or fourteen year old or sixteen year old advertising when the whole point of their appearance is blatant sexual attraction...long before they're really clear about the possible end result of that attraction? Who is having the last word when the boy leaving the house for school is having trouble walking to the sidewalk because his pants are cinched down around his thighs and his boxers are showing and has anyone tried to figure out just what he thinks he has to prove by it? Me, I'd like those answers because, I'M pretty sure the kids don't have them.
I'm a feminist, I really am. I believe that girls and boys should shoot for the stars and become whatever they set their sights on becoming if they possibly can. I believe that young men and women are far more than their inherited good looks or athletic abilities. And I understand that attraction happens - it's suppose to! But what are we teaching our kids when we encourage by default, the kinds of attitudes and costuming that have come to be acceptable today? How far are we willing to abrogate our responsibility to them?
We, the adults, aren't the ones paying the ultimate prices here...or are we? Every year discourtesy grows, disrespect increases everywhere and our sense of boredom with whatever isn't pushing the envelope gets bigger and bigger. Isn't anyone else equating this with the kinds of insanity that have come to pass in the last decade? Children are bringing guns to school and shooting each other. Children are exchanging prescription drugs just to fit in and survive. Children are defacing property and shrugging it off when they're hauled down to court because, as children, they aren't really being held accountable. Girls are having sex at eleven because it's the 'cool' thing to do and dressing like sixteen year old's before they're ten because someone thinks that pint-sized adults are 'cute'. (I can think of many people who have thought that pint-sized adult girls were cute...cute enough to scoop off the street and kidnap, molest and kill).
And it's not JUST the kids. Look around you. How many people feel that ripping someone off if they're not smart enough to figure out they're being ripped off...is ok? How many companies have made a culture out of such behavior? How many people routinely tell off a store clerk or a bank teller or some other service provider because they're having a bad day , believing that this person is somehow PAID to take their crap? How many people equate what they have with what they are and expect the world to sit up and take notice? Personal commentary has become a national pastime these days. It's as though we're all sitting in a sound booth somewhere where no one else can hear us while we comment on how horrible" that girl's outfit is or.."Did you SEE the ass on that guy?" or "Did you know that so and so's wife is cheating on him?...without figuring out that so and so might be IN the room or his best friend might be in the room or somehow, some way this conversation might just be a little more private than so and so might want you indulging in on his or her behalf? Well, those things don't seem to be going through our collective little heads. They certainly aren't going through the heads of the actors who do it and we watch them religiously. If TV will present it, it must be ok, right?
WHY aren't we making these connections???
It's funny, I'm thinking that I've got off the point, but really, I haven't. Courtesy and respect are twins born of self-respect and self-worth. When we are important to ourselves, we have room to make other people important as well.
For me, I think I'll just go on as I've started. Thank you for reading (if you've been reading), please come back for my next 'Thotz' and, if I've sparked a thot or two of your own, you're entirely welcome. If I've disturbed you a bit, you're welcome for that as well.
Courtesy is an old fashioned word for a practice that should NEVER have gone out of fashion.
Let me get that door for you....
Good night!
Going to hit on one of my pet peeves today. Courtesy...or should I say, lack thereof?
What happened to all the kindnesses that were instilled in us when we were small? (Well, maybe when I was small and, my kids were small because, courtesy was never an optional thing for either generation.) I hear people talking to each other and sometimes, not meaning to eavesdrop, I listen. It isn't the content of the conversations that intrigue me, it's the tempo, and it's the tenor.
I hear adults who shout EVERYTHING!!!
"GIRL...what can I TELL you??!!! That's just the SHIT!"
Ok...this segues into the second part of my pet peeve: when did common conversation start integrating, acceptably, those cuss words that were formerly reserved for the unintelligent, unsophisticated and under educated? Or...for those times when absolutely NOTHING else would serve? Now these words are used in the same volume and frequency of 'hey, how're ya doing?" And have you taken a look at who's using them? WE ALL ARE!!!!
Two weeks ago, my daughter and I were caught in a freak snow storm on the way to Lake Tahoe. Though chained, the car started a slow slide off the road and the driver in back of us who was either riding too close, driving too fast or stuck her foot on the brake, slid right on into us...not once, but twice. Squashed my lil' bumper to smithereens (it was a Honda, their car was a big ol' Mercedes sedan). When we all came to a halt, my daughter (who'd been driving) got out and asked "Everyone ok?" The passenger in the car that hit us, got out and immediately called my daughter an "F'n bitch and what did she think she was doing stopping dead in the middle of the street! This wasn't their fault...it was HER fault, Goddam f*n IDIOT!" Continued like that for a few minutes. Didn't once ask if we were hurt or come over to check the damage to the car...just...carried on as though the language was acceptable and the situation warranted a temper tantrum (needless to say, we called the CHP). Fortunately, the only real damage was to vehicles and not to human bodies. And I'll give the individual credit...after a few words from the officer, he did tender my daughter a bit of an apology...not that that fixes things. Oh, and before you think it was some punk kid...it was a full grown man way past the age of knowing better.
I hear people talking on cell phones (as though the rest of us can't hear what you guys are saying. Not really a case of getting in anyone's business, more a case of people on cell phones in public ADVERTISING their business) and the language used is disturbing. "What the f*k!....Sh*t! I'll kick his A**! " and that's before any REAL conversation gets started! This language goes on while I'm walking nearby on a street, trying to buy my groceries or settling down to a nice, leisure meal in a restaurant. And THAT'S another thing - who decided that restaurants, where we alllll pay good money to sit down and enjoy a good meal with good company and good conversation, became acceptable phone booths??!! I don't really need to hear about someone's divorce, latest colonoscopy or cheating husband/wife over my salad and entree! And I don't need to know that Smith has failed to hand in the latest report on the company's latest merger either (that M'Fkng slug who can't manage to get a day's work done without someone putting a boot up his A**!!..." ok, I digress). Frankly, I don't need to hear about ANYTHING that's going on with you because...I don't know you!! Any of you. And the person that I'm sitting down with, eating my meal with...I already know them (that's why I'm having lunch with them!) I'd like the opportunity to find out what's new with THEM...not with you. I'm sure you're nice and all but, I do NOT need to know your business!
Cell phones are great - but they're not anonymous and they're not private. And there really IS no magic bubble that pops out of the bottom of the unit and covers you and all the conversational noise you are choosing to make. (No, really - it doesn't work that way. Tests have been made and studies published...it's official: your business is MY business when you carry on a personal conversation in my hearing! Who knew?)
Aaaand we make our way, slooowly, back to my original topic: courtesy.
Kids watch. They watch everything and everyone. They learn from an early age what is and isn't expected of them and whether respect and courtesy are really important. And when we don't watch what WE do in front of them, and what we SAY in front of them, they learn those things too. Ever go to a store or a doctor's office or even someone else's house and have to shout over the dulcet tones of someone's out of control child who is screaming at someone or something (and no, I'm not talking about a toddler here - I'm talking about kids from eight to twelve), throwing things and laughing about it or running in and out of aisles, tables or people? And when you look back at the parents, there they are, busy chatting with whomever they've met up with, blissfully unaware that their offspring are about to topple merchandise, run into furniture or break their necks on someone else's property. Not to mention bumping into me or you or anyone else in their way. And when they do? How many kids stop and say: "Sorry, didn't mean to bump you." ? How many of them turn and say: "Hey, bitch, get out of the way!"...just like they've seen on TV. Don't know about the rest of you but, I've had my share. And I look at the parents who are totally unconcerned and, at that point, more interested in getting their kids together and getting gone than checking for damage. These kids go on their merry way, secure in the knowledge that there's nothing remotely wrong with their behavior.
I just ate my lunch in a fast food restaurant (ok daughter, so sue me) and a ten year old kid came whipping by..,.IN THE RESTAURANT...on his bike. No one said a thing. If I were that kid, I'd figure, heeey....no problem! THIS is acceptable! If I, or either of my children had done such a thing twenty years ago, the manager would have exploded out of his office and, literally, thrown us and the bike OUT. Why not now? What's changed?
Remember these?
Please... thank you... may I help you?, are you all right? Let me get that for you... you're welcome. I'm sorry... Let me hold the door for you, you have your hands full....is that all you have in your cart? Why don't you go ahead of me....
I use these, my children use these, people from my generation were taught to use these. We were taught that people are what are important in this world and that there is a clear and distinct difference between class, sass and snot. When did we forget this maxim?
Years ago, there was a program on television called "The Roseanne Barr Show". My kids loved it. I loved it. It was quick, it was clever, it was fast paced. The lines given to Roseanne were the kinds of things we as parents would DIE to figure out quick enough to throw back at the stupidities our kids presented us with...and the lines given to those kids were snappy comebacks worthy of any comedian. And we laughed. Every night I fed my kids this right along with their chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. We all looked forward to it.
And then, one day, my little six year old came home and hit me with a few really good 'zingers' when I asked her to clean up her room. I was shocked and I was furious. How DARE she treat me with such disrespect??!!! And I let her know how absolutely angry she'd made me. Whereupon she continued to answer me with those cute and clever little flip remarks. In the end, those little remarks earned her one heck of a spank on her cute little butt. After she was done crying, I realized that she was genuinely puzzled over why I'd gotten so mad. And then it hit me....what had come out of her mouth was worthy of anything that came out of the mouth's of television's darling little smart mouth kids on that show we watched...every...single...night. Guess what happened THAT night? Yup - TV went off. And we never watched the show again - or any other show with a similar format.
Kids learn. They watch to see what makes us laugh. They watch to see what gets attention and they draw their own conclusions about what's 'cool' and what's clever and what will get them a moment of admiration for their daring. Why are we laughing??? Why is it funny to watch a kid talk back to his parents like a smart mouth adult? Because they're pint-sized and acting like a badly behaved grown-up? WHY ARE WE LAUGHING??!!! Teenagers are living out their own reality shows. Just listen to them. EVERYTHING is a drama worthy of television, and when it's not, they go to great lengths to make it so. We have instilled in our children that they must be 'special' and they must be 'outstanding' and they must get the 'attention'. What we haven't managed to do is figure out how to teach them what makes them special and what is really involved in someone who IS outstanding so they have a goal to strive for. More important, we have, as a society, managed to let our kids know that if they aren't attention worthy all the time, then they aren't attention worthy ANY of the time. They're trying to figure it out - we're not helping.
I boycott a lot of television shows. I boycott a lot of music. I don't like to see the worst of us portrayed and packaged as entertainment. I have my own 'reality' to worry about and I don't really like to see grown men and women acting like the worst clique kids in high school, disrespecting each other, engineering cat-fights or showing off just how far they dare to go to skim the rim of respectability. I may not enjoy the sound of some of today's music - but I listen to the words that are set to it and the words are often disturbing in the extreme. The first time a person refers to my daughter as his 'ho'....or his 'bitch', he's going to have trouble helping a woman conceive when the time comes, I promise. The first time a man refers to ME that way he's likely going to lose some teeth, if not something he holds more dear. I see teenagers refer to each other in this vein all the time. They don't even listen to what they're saying....half the time, they don't even KNOW what they're saying. It's all a new conversational 'patter'. They hear it everywhere and they're mimicking it. It says: Disrespect yourself and those around you, it's ok. You're not worth much anyway and neither is anyone else.
WHY ARE WE LAUGHING AT THIS??? Why aren't we in shock?? And why are we, as adults, playing this same game? Do we feel that it somehow youthenizes us? Don't label me square but, if this is youth - I'll take my gray any day.
I'm not a prude and I'm certainly not much of a conservative. I believed in giving my children latitude to figure out who they were. My daughter dressed in 'grunge' when grunge was the thing - but it was within MY boundaries when she did. Makeup was something EVERY girl wore - but there was a date set for when MY girl was allowed to wear it and acceptable limits as to how much and when. My kids didn't leave the house dressed inappropriately, period. Didn't mind having conversation about it but, bottom line was - I had the last word. Didn't mind explaining it, once. But the bottom line was, I had the last word.
Who is having the last word when someone's twelve year old is made up like a rock star on a bad day and dressed like Madonna in her heyday? What is that twelve year old, or fourteen year old or sixteen year old advertising when the whole point of their appearance is blatant sexual attraction...long before they're really clear about the possible end result of that attraction? Who is having the last word when the boy leaving the house for school is having trouble walking to the sidewalk because his pants are cinched down around his thighs and his boxers are showing and has anyone tried to figure out just what he thinks he has to prove by it? Me, I'd like those answers because, I'M pretty sure the kids don't have them.
I'm a feminist, I really am. I believe that girls and boys should shoot for the stars and become whatever they set their sights on becoming if they possibly can. I believe that young men and women are far more than their inherited good looks or athletic abilities. And I understand that attraction happens - it's suppose to! But what are we teaching our kids when we encourage by default, the kinds of attitudes and costuming that have come to be acceptable today? How far are we willing to abrogate our responsibility to them?
We, the adults, aren't the ones paying the ultimate prices here...or are we? Every year discourtesy grows, disrespect increases everywhere and our sense of boredom with whatever isn't pushing the envelope gets bigger and bigger. Isn't anyone else equating this with the kinds of insanity that have come to pass in the last decade? Children are bringing guns to school and shooting each other. Children are exchanging prescription drugs just to fit in and survive. Children are defacing property and shrugging it off when they're hauled down to court because, as children, they aren't really being held accountable. Girls are having sex at eleven because it's the 'cool' thing to do and dressing like sixteen year old's before they're ten because someone thinks that pint-sized adults are 'cute'. (I can think of many people who have thought that pint-sized adult girls were cute...cute enough to scoop off the street and kidnap, molest and kill).
And it's not JUST the kids. Look around you. How many people feel that ripping someone off if they're not smart enough to figure out they're being ripped off...is ok? How many companies have made a culture out of such behavior? How many people routinely tell off a store clerk or a bank teller or some other service provider because they're having a bad day , believing that this person is somehow PAID to take their crap? How many people equate what they have with what they are and expect the world to sit up and take notice? Personal commentary has become a national pastime these days. It's as though we're all sitting in a sound booth somewhere where no one else can hear us while we comment on how horrible" that girl's outfit is or.."Did you SEE the ass on that guy?" or "Did you know that so and so's wife is cheating on him?...without figuring out that so and so might be IN the room or his best friend might be in the room or somehow, some way this conversation might just be a little more private than so and so might want you indulging in on his or her behalf? Well, those things don't seem to be going through our collective little heads. They certainly aren't going through the heads of the actors who do it and we watch them religiously. If TV will present it, it must be ok, right?
WHY aren't we making these connections???
It's funny, I'm thinking that I've got off the point, but really, I haven't. Courtesy and respect are twins born of self-respect and self-worth. When we are important to ourselves, we have room to make other people important as well.
For me, I think I'll just go on as I've started. Thank you for reading (if you've been reading), please come back for my next 'Thotz' and, if I've sparked a thot or two of your own, you're entirely welcome. If I've disturbed you a bit, you're welcome for that as well.
Courtesy is an old fashioned word for a practice that should NEVER have gone out of fashion.
Let me get that door for you....
Good night!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Happy Monday everyone!
I've spent a lot of time thinking about starting a blog. Like a lot of people, the IDEA sounds great but not knowing a whole bunch about it (ok...I'm not the 'tweeny' generation here!!) I dithered and dragged my feet and...well, you get the whole 'procrastination...I don't want to make an idiot of myself' scenario. But today, coming back from my son's home, I realized that I'm holding a lot of conversations with myself in my car and some of what I have to say to myself makes a lot of sense. At least, I think it does.
Now, you may wonder, just what brought about this sudden leap into the technological lion's den of public writing. Well, I'll tell you. Today is Memorial Day. Not a day to remember great, great, Aunt Sarah or weird Uncle Homer. It's a day to remember all those people who have served us all, in this day and and days past in our military. It's a day to remember that, whether they believed wholeheartedly in what they were asked to do or understood what they were asked to do...in OUR name, they did it when OUR leaders told them to. Some of them lived to tell about it. Some of them lived to come home, join the government and become a force for change (hopefully positive :). Some of them lived to come home and become hard working Americans, striving for a better life for themselves and their families. Some of them left their homes to do their duty in a far off country, most likely a hostile country, that doesn't want them there in the first place. Some of them are still there, working hard, doing their jobs and waiting for their turns to come back home.
Some of them didn't come home at all.
Today is the day for remembering....ALL of these people. Because, whether you agree with the stance of our government - and by extension - our own nation, these people are doing a job that we have asked them to do. They are serving in our name and they are fighting in our stead. You may be angry at what they're being asked to do and where - you may feel righteously that they belong exactly where they are - either way, they are doing what we have decided they must do, and they are doing it with pride, fortitude, honor and dedication. They don't have the option to say; "Well, sir...you see, I just can't go along with what you're asking because, it doesn't make sense to me." Their answer is always "Yes SIR!" Unless you've been in the military, I don't think any of us really understand just how hard that is. You're asked to stand in harm's way...you're asked to put yourself at risk...you're asked to do...whatever...and you...can't...say...NO. There's no HR department to complain to and there's no union to back you up. There's no one to fire you and no one to lay you off. You've signed up and you've given up the option. And you do it.
Can you imagine that? I can't. Can you imagine going to bed at night knowing that tomorrow you might be asked to do something you never would have imagined doing as a kid. You might have to order someone ELSE to do something THEY never imagined doing as a kid...or you might be the one who has to make the decision that asking these people to do what no one imagined doing as a kid is the right decision. Think about that for a minute.
I come from a family with a history of military service. My father proudly served this country twice: once in the Navy (and why a long, lean Iowa farmboy chose the Navy from deep in the corn country has always been a mystery to me. They didn't even know what an ocean WAS back then! Ok...I'm gonna catch it from the people in the middle, I can feel it...SAID WITH THE BEST OF MY LOVE FOLKS!! ) and then for over thirty years in the Army Reserves. This man, high school education and nothing more, worked hard and served well and rose up in the ranks to become a Command Sgt. Major. It doesn't get any higher than that as a non-com. The number of people IN that rank are few and far between. And nothing...not his family, not his daily work with the phone company, nothing gave him more pride than putting on that uniform and doing what he did best. He always said that his job gave him a unique opportunity to watch over those enlisted folks under him and do his best by them. He found every way there was to push through deserved promotions and get people who should be recognized, seen. He was an aide to a general who said, at Dad's retirement, that he simply couldn't have done his job without my dad at his elbow. He never served overseas, but he never stopped serving as long as they let him stay in the job.
And then, there were my uncles who both served in WWII. Italian immigrants, the only two of five children to be born on American soil, one served in the European theater and one served in the South Pacific.
Finally, there are my children, who've carried on the tradition as well. My daughter was in the Air Force Reserves when 9/11 hit. Her schooling was interrupted a couple of times while she served as she'd been called but she did what she was asked to do for as long as she was asked to do it. And then there's my son who has served twice; once in the Army Reserves with a long stint in Kuwait and now in the Air Force Reserves where he awaits another deployment, possible sometime this fall. In the meantime, he flies as often as they call him and does the best job he can do. He takes a lot of pride in his work and in the fact that he's serving this country. And I'm extraordinarily proud of him.
When I was a kid, Memorial Day was the day (one of many, actually :) when my father got up in the morning and hitched up the American Flag to the holder outside our front door. It flew all day long and, before the sun went down, he went outside, unhitched the flag, folded it properly and put it away. I remember being impatient once with the care he took of that flag and I remember him explaining to me why it was important to not let it hit the ground or be kept flying after dark. It was a ritual of respect. He didn't yell at me or get angry...he just explained it. That was a lot of years ago. I still remember him saying it and I still remember the timbre of his voice when he spoke. It was the first time I'd ever looked at the flag as something other than a mere decoration, and I've never forgotten it.
Our flag - it's just a piece of cloth with a bunch of stripes and stars stuck on it. Wear it, burn it, make it into coffee mugs. It really doesn't matter. Because, no matter how you find it, no matter what happens TO it...it still symbolizes a country that is, with all our bumps, bruises and warts, the one place where everyone ELSE wants to live. We have a long way to go and we have a lot of things to fix...but when we show respect for the flag as individuals, we show respect for ourselves as well. And maybe my dad's rituals with the flag was more to remind himself of what it stands for, not what it is.
It's Memorial Day, and it's almost over. The sun is drifting down over the bay. In a short while, the dusk will take over and then give way to night. Maybe my 'thotz' have given those of you who spent the day over beer and good steaks, something else to consider. And maybe, those of you who remembered to fly the flag have been reminded to bring it back in for the night.
Them's mah thotz - good night!
I've spent a lot of time thinking about starting a blog. Like a lot of people, the IDEA sounds great but not knowing a whole bunch about it (ok...I'm not the 'tweeny' generation here!!) I dithered and dragged my feet and...well, you get the whole 'procrastination...I don't want to make an idiot of myself' scenario. But today, coming back from my son's home, I realized that I'm holding a lot of conversations with myself in my car and some of what I have to say to myself makes a lot of sense. At least, I think it does.
Now, you may wonder, just what brought about this sudden leap into the technological lion's den of public writing. Well, I'll tell you. Today is Memorial Day. Not a day to remember great, great, Aunt Sarah or weird Uncle Homer. It's a day to remember all those people who have served us all, in this day and and days past in our military. It's a day to remember that, whether they believed wholeheartedly in what they were asked to do or understood what they were asked to do...in OUR name, they did it when OUR leaders told them to. Some of them lived to tell about it. Some of them lived to come home, join the government and become a force for change (hopefully positive :). Some of them lived to come home and become hard working Americans, striving for a better life for themselves and their families. Some of them left their homes to do their duty in a far off country, most likely a hostile country, that doesn't want them there in the first place. Some of them are still there, working hard, doing their jobs and waiting for their turns to come back home.
Some of them didn't come home at all.
Today is the day for remembering....ALL of these people. Because, whether you agree with the stance of our government - and by extension - our own nation, these people are doing a job that we have asked them to do. They are serving in our name and they are fighting in our stead. You may be angry at what they're being asked to do and where - you may feel righteously that they belong exactly where they are - either way, they are doing what we have decided they must do, and they are doing it with pride, fortitude, honor and dedication. They don't have the option to say; "Well, sir...you see, I just can't go along with what you're asking because, it doesn't make sense to me." Their answer is always "Yes SIR!" Unless you've been in the military, I don't think any of us really understand just how hard that is. You're asked to stand in harm's way...you're asked to put yourself at risk...you're asked to do...whatever...and you...can't...say...NO. There's no HR department to complain to and there's no union to back you up. There's no one to fire you and no one to lay you off. You've signed up and you've given up the option. And you do it.
Can you imagine that? I can't. Can you imagine going to bed at night knowing that tomorrow you might be asked to do something you never would have imagined doing as a kid. You might have to order someone ELSE to do something THEY never imagined doing as a kid...or you might be the one who has to make the decision that asking these people to do what no one imagined doing as a kid is the right decision. Think about that for a minute.
I come from a family with a history of military service. My father proudly served this country twice: once in the Navy (and why a long, lean Iowa farmboy chose the Navy from deep in the corn country has always been a mystery to me. They didn't even know what an ocean WAS back then! Ok...I'm gonna catch it from the people in the middle, I can feel it...SAID WITH THE BEST OF MY LOVE FOLKS!! ) and then for over thirty years in the Army Reserves. This man, high school education and nothing more, worked hard and served well and rose up in the ranks to become a Command Sgt. Major. It doesn't get any higher than that as a non-com. The number of people IN that rank are few and far between. And nothing...not his family, not his daily work with the phone company, nothing gave him more pride than putting on that uniform and doing what he did best. He always said that his job gave him a unique opportunity to watch over those enlisted folks under him and do his best by them. He found every way there was to push through deserved promotions and get people who should be recognized, seen. He was an aide to a general who said, at Dad's retirement, that he simply couldn't have done his job without my dad at his elbow. He never served overseas, but he never stopped serving as long as they let him stay in the job.
And then, there were my uncles who both served in WWII. Italian immigrants, the only two of five children to be born on American soil, one served in the European theater and one served in the South Pacific.
Finally, there are my children, who've carried on the tradition as well. My daughter was in the Air Force Reserves when 9/11 hit. Her schooling was interrupted a couple of times while she served as she'd been called but she did what she was asked to do for as long as she was asked to do it. And then there's my son who has served twice; once in the Army Reserves with a long stint in Kuwait and now in the Air Force Reserves where he awaits another deployment, possible sometime this fall. In the meantime, he flies as often as they call him and does the best job he can do. He takes a lot of pride in his work and in the fact that he's serving this country. And I'm extraordinarily proud of him.
When I was a kid, Memorial Day was the day (one of many, actually :) when my father got up in the morning and hitched up the American Flag to the holder outside our front door. It flew all day long and, before the sun went down, he went outside, unhitched the flag, folded it properly and put it away. I remember being impatient once with the care he took of that flag and I remember him explaining to me why it was important to not let it hit the ground or be kept flying after dark. It was a ritual of respect. He didn't yell at me or get angry...he just explained it. That was a lot of years ago. I still remember him saying it and I still remember the timbre of his voice when he spoke. It was the first time I'd ever looked at the flag as something other than a mere decoration, and I've never forgotten it.
Our flag - it's just a piece of cloth with a bunch of stripes and stars stuck on it. Wear it, burn it, make it into coffee mugs. It really doesn't matter. Because, no matter how you find it, no matter what happens TO it...it still symbolizes a country that is, with all our bumps, bruises and warts, the one place where everyone ELSE wants to live. We have a long way to go and we have a lot of things to fix...but when we show respect for the flag as individuals, we show respect for ourselves as well. And maybe my dad's rituals with the flag was more to remind himself of what it stands for, not what it is.
It's Memorial Day, and it's almost over. The sun is drifting down over the bay. In a short while, the dusk will take over and then give way to night. Maybe my 'thotz' have given those of you who spent the day over beer and good steaks, something else to consider. And maybe, those of you who remembered to fly the flag have been reminded to bring it back in for the night.
Them's mah thotz - good night!
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